the story of Charlie’s Bedtime Song

Way back when, when I was just out of college, so young and so broke, God lent me to the Hartman family.  I learned I adore young children by nanny-ing their three littles (6mo, 3 and 4yrs old) To be thrust from single girlhood into the duties (part time though they were) of a mother/caretaker of three was quite the learning curve.  And I am so blest by those lessons to this day!  From their parents I learned how to stop to talk, to listen to children and to explain.  From their boys I learned to treasure the seeds of fierce manhood that exist in little boys’ hearts (and a lot of baseball statistics!).  And from that Ella-girl I learned that you could physically fall in love with a baby and end up pushing your own heart around in a stroller.  And so I did what young broke lovers do.  I wrote her a song.  It was a melody made up of nonsensical syllables and I hummed it when I put her to sleep or when she needed comfort.  She called it the ‘Zaza Song’.

When her family moved away and I got married,  a little piece of living heart string between her and I broke.  And we were both sad. Then I put words to her song and sang it as a prayer for her.  Here and there, I sang it over other special children (Cole, that’s you!), falling asleep in my arms.

And now I have Charlie, my own boy, my own flesh, and Wendy, my own heart.              

Though I can’t remember to take my grocery list with me when I go shopping or even what day of the week it is sometimes, this melody stays.   It comes floating back through my mind like a ‘go-to’ salve, with new appropriate words when my children are hurt or sick or scared of the dark. 

Lately it has become Charlie’s only request at bedtime:  “Mama, pwee sing da song you maked up for me.”  The love and prayers I’ve had for all the children I’ve cared for over the years have filtered and distilled into this: 

Charlie’s Bedtime Song

And have no fear, my little bird.
The Lord holds you in his hand.
He’ll keep you safe while it is dark,
and wake you to see the light.

For God loves you and God loves me.
I know that this is true.
He gave us Jesus Christ his son,
To make us his children too.

He helps us when we do not obey,
to confess, repent and change.
He'll never stop, he loves you so,
and Mama and Dada too.

So go to sleep, and while you sleep,
you worship him with your dreams.
And sing your song, when you wake up,
of all that He’s done for you. 

And though I sing it to him every night and he calls it his by right, I still remember a girl with dark curls who began it all. I sing with a thankful heart for the gift of love she and her family so freely shared. So rich we all are in the Father’s care!

From Mama, from KK, with love.

confessions of a J during finals week….

It is finals week and though he has been in the house most of the day, I have seen Jonathan for a total of maybe 20 minutes if you exaggerate it.  The day after he takes his last evening exam, we are leaving early in the morning on a 12+ hour road trip with two small, ACTIVE, children.  Christmas is upon us and there are MANY things to be made.  I don’t really know why (except that by the grace of God, the Holy Spirit must be prompting me) I’ve been dealing with this finals week differently.

Normally a week with this much activity, responsibility, uncertainty and potential for disaster would have me making plans upon contingency plans and lists of my lists in an effort to stave off any negative impact on my family.   Though this approach may sometimes result in being prepared for everything, it always guarantees one very stressed out and grumpy Mama.  I’ve been noticing, in the little bit of growing up I’ve done these past few months, that Mama’s mood quickly becomes everyone's mood.  So, in an effort to love my children and husband better, I have let the house go.   I am moving through each task in front of me without stressing about the cloud of other urgent, pestering tasks remaining undone.  I have no set of lists except the overall objectives of:

• getting Charlie outside for HARD playing once a day,
• making sure I have timely snacks and meals to provide my offspring (and to hand through the door to my muttering husband, hunched over yet another outline of notes he is studying)
• being aware of and then using any moment my hands are free to work on the projects I’m making for Christmas. 
• getting us all packed and travel-food supplied for our trip while the children are awake (as long as I can make it fun)  so that I can work on Christmas-ing while they are asleep.

The super bonus is that I’ve found I haven’t been inadvertently showing Charlie he doesn’t matter and is an inconvenience to me like I usually end up doing in high-stress  times.   We’ve actually had fun together instead of resenting the fact that we can’t have Dad!  This was our chaotic but delightful scene while we made pizza for dinner last night:

Many, many thanks to Gail, our Sunday school teacher, for teaching us this joyful song!

Concert

I do not recommend taking two-year olds to concerts.  However, Jonathan was slated to play with a band of fellow covenant students, and I didn’t want to miss it.  So I bundled Charlie up and we went to do our best at listening.  (It started at 7:15pm, which is usually Charlie’s bed time, so I knew we wouldn’t be staying for the whole thing.)

Luckily the venue was at a coffee shop, so it was pretty laid back.  That was a good thing too, because every time a song ended, Charlie announced, repeatedly,  in a loud voice, “All done!  Song all done!” 

And then there was the moment I looked down and realized Charlie had taken off all his shoes and socks (thankfully not his shirt).  Another time I glanced over and realized he had knocked my strawberry smoothie off the table in front of me and spilled it down the side of the leather sofa we were sitting in.  We also had to leave the room where the band was playing several times, because the other rooms of the coffee shop had TVs with basketball playing, and Charlie needed to keep up on the score. 

We left for home before the first set was even finished.  And Charlie, misunderstanding my instructions to wave goodbye to Dada, escaped me and climbed up onto the stage to give Dada a hug goodbye!  Oops!! 

Still, all in all I’d say it was a pretty successful evening—I did get to hear Jonathan play and I enjoyed the music I heard and could pay attention to!

Charlie had some decided opinions about some of the songs: 

Jonathan played beautifully:

And Charlie and I clapped enthusiastically for every single song!

a snow day song….

Charlie and I were playing the piano together today, and he suddenly started singing out along with me, mostly in tune, at the top of his lungs.  It was so loud that Jonathan heard it behind the closed door to the bedroom and came out to video it! This is the most developed singing I’ve heard from him yet and it gives me hope that he may enjoy music along with his sports some day!