the story of Charlie’s Bedtime Song

Way back when, when I was just out of college, so young and so broke, God lent me to the Hartman family.  I learned I adore young children by nanny-ing their three littles (6mo, 3 and 4yrs old) To be thrust from single girlhood into the duties (part time though they were) of a mother/caretaker of three was quite the learning curve.  And I am so blest by those lessons to this day!  From their parents I learned how to stop to talk, to listen to children and to explain.  From their boys I learned to treasure the seeds of fierce manhood that exist in little boys’ hearts (and a lot of baseball statistics!).  And from that Ella-girl I learned that you could physically fall in love with a baby and end up pushing your own heart around in a stroller.  And so I did what young broke lovers do.  I wrote her a song.  It was a melody made up of nonsensical syllables and I hummed it when I put her to sleep or when she needed comfort.  She called it the ‘Zaza Song’.

When her family moved away and I got married,  a little piece of living heart string between her and I broke.  And we were both sad. Then I put words to her song and sang it as a prayer for her.  Here and there, I sang it over other special children (Cole, that’s you!), falling asleep in my arms.

And now I have Charlie, my own boy, my own flesh, and Wendy, my own heart.              

Though I can’t remember to take my grocery list with me when I go shopping or even what day of the week it is sometimes, this melody stays.   It comes floating back through my mind like a ‘go-to’ salve, with new appropriate words when my children are hurt or sick or scared of the dark. 

Lately it has become Charlie’s only request at bedtime:  “Mama, pwee sing da song you maked up for me.”  The love and prayers I’ve had for all the children I’ve cared for over the years have filtered and distilled into this: 

Charlie’s Bedtime Song

And have no fear, my little bird.
The Lord holds you in his hand.
He’ll keep you safe while it is dark,
and wake you to see the light.

For God loves you and God loves me.
I know that this is true.
He gave us Jesus Christ his son,
To make us his children too.

He helps us when we do not obey,
to confess, repent and change.
He'll never stop, he loves you so,
and Mama and Dada too.

So go to sleep, and while you sleep,
you worship him with your dreams.
And sing your song, when you wake up,
of all that He’s done for you. 

And though I sing it to him every night and he calls it his by right, I still remember a girl with dark curls who began it all. I sing with a thankful heart for the gift of love she and her family so freely shared. So rich we all are in the Father’s care!

From Mama, from KK, with love.