conversations with Charlie: Female Anatomy 101

[scene:  We are sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office.  Charlie is sitting on my lap, covered in hives (the reason we are there) and swinging his cowboy boots while I read a book quietly to him. ]

Charlie, looking up to watch a very pregnant woman cross the room, then talking loudly:  Mama, that goyul has a baby in her tummy! 

Mama:  Yes she does!  How exciting!

Charlie:  It is going to come out soon? 

Mama:  I don’t know.  It will come out when it is ready.

Charlie, after a long pause in which the wheels of logic start turning:  But Mama, how does the baby come out without making a big hole in her tummy?

[all eyes, every head, in the room swivels towards us, suddenly very interested in our conversation…]

Mama, blushing and trying desperately not to make eye contact with anyone who is staring:  Um…, Well…, God makes a special hole for the baby to come out.

Charlie:  Where is the hole? On her tummy?

Mama:  No, you can’t really see it.

Charlie:  Is it ‘visible? No, I mean INvisible?  Visible means you can see it and invisible means you can’t see it?

Mama, hoping this is a conversation diversion opportunity:  Yes, visible means you can see it and invisible means you can’t see it even though it is there, like the wind, or like heat.  Can you think of anything else invisible?

Charlie: The baby comes out an invisible hole?

Mama:  Not really, Charlie, but I think we are going to have to talk about this at home.

Charlie:  Why?

Mama:  Well, it is more of a  private conversation.  So I will explain better when we get home, OK?

Charlie: OK.  Can I see a baby’s invisible hole, Mama?

Mama: Maybe, someday, Charlie.  But let’s talk about it later, OK?

Charlie:  OK! 

[While I have no qualms whatsoever discussing the birds and the bees in a child-appropriate way, I never in my life considered broaching the conversation for the first time in public!!!  That surely puts a whole new twist on it!  Yeesh!]