how ‘duh boys and goyuls’ play

Charlie and Alaythia are fast friends and I have watched them play together a lot!  They have always gotten along pretty well, though Alaythia is more dramatic and Charlie more physical.         Lately, their gender differences have really been making a difference in how they approach playing. Now, along with the usual territorial toddler conflicts, their spats sometimes also reflect age-old differences between the sexes.

Take this morning, when Alaythia arrived at our house right after breakfast.  The happy reunion was made with much shrieking and chasing—Charlie always chasing. (Hmmm…men like the chase, but can he commit?)

Then Alaythia’s baby ‘Shally’ made an appearance (Opps!) and Charlie wanted to hug her.   Alaythia let him, but told him to be gentle.  (She’s been on the other side of Charlie’s over-enthusiastic hugs! )  After Shally was gently hugged, Charlie was ready to go back to playing  ‘chase.’  But  Alaythia told Charlie he was ‘Shally’s’ daddy, and that he should be very gentle with her because she was still a small baby.   He said, “No, I’m not!!” (Yep, a baby stops being cute when you are responsible…)  She said, “Yes you are!,”  Then she squeaked out, “Hi Daddy!!!” while moving Shally like a puppet, to prove it.  Cue roaring screams and yelling. Charlie had no interest whatsoever in playing house or being told what to do.  (Now that doesn't sound like a man at all, right?)

Skipping over my lecture on the benefits of differentiation and their spoken apologies, we move right along.  Hoping to diffuse things, I sent them out on the balcony to blow bubbles and draw with chalk.  And sure enough, they reconciled by doing something gender neutral together, just not quite how I imagined.  As a team, they united forces: chatting away quite happily about this and that while filling all my empty pots with a paste made out of bubble-blowing soap, chalk and dirt from my potted plants. 

After I busted up their mud pie making business and washed them all off, Charlie wanted to play superheroes with Alaythia. 

She was excited at first.  (What girl doesn’t want to put on a swirly cape, and be chased by her man, right?)  But the fun ended when Charlie caught her and tried to wrestle with her.  “No, Charrrrlie!”  Being pinned to the floor by someone almost twice her weight was not her idea of fun or being loved (though it was surely intended that way).  The result? Dramatic shrieking, squeaking and pendulous crocodile tears.   Alaythia had no interest at all in scratching her fingernail polish while roughhousing.

After apologies and forgiveness hugs were offered, I called a truce for snack time.

In light of all the drama, it certainly made me chuckle with surprise when I heard giggling from the living room and rounded the corner to see this:Their choice was a perfectly negotiated peace between playing house and superheroes!

Not that I recommend this solution where there are real babies involved, but Shally’s mommy seemed to be advocating for her baby to be shot across the living room, so I didn’t feel the need to speak up.  The rest of the morning was spent happily trying to catapult ‘Shally’ and newly named ‘Slally’ (Wendy’s doll) into different containers.  What a perfect merging of the sexes! “An dat’s how duh boys and goyols play, YEAH!”

(…Now, how to turn this into some good marital advice, somehow….)